Goodbye-a Sanjaya

One word. "Ponyhawk."

You've gotta give it to this Sanjaya kid -- he's got quite the clever strategy. Besides having the backing of the anti- American Idol web wonder "votefortheworst.com" and Howard Stern (the chauvenistic shock jock, not the one claiming to be Anna Nicole's baby's dad), he has the most varied collection of hair-don'ts in the history of the show. He teases it, or he uses a flat iron, and the judges, who can't think of anything good to say about his singing, comment on his hair every week. This week though... wow. In honor of guest judge Gwen Stefani (who, by the way, makes a much better performer than vocal coach... yikes), Sanjaya styled his hair in a fake mohawk (Paula called it a faux-hawk) made up of seven tiny ponytails. Oh, Sanjaya.

He's a terrible performer -- he's just GOT to go. But this week, his combination teeny bopper girl/ anti-establishment adult male fan base, his bright white teeth, and his mysterious ponyhawk spared him from the bottom three. Safe yet again. Looks like smug Sanjaya's got nine lives. And I fear it's just gonna get worse. This week Chris Sligh went home. Understandable, considering his slow unraveling the last few weeks. (But the guy's actually talented! No, seriously. If you don't remember from earlier in the season that he's actually pretty good, check out his band's video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ps3b_FTTCo) But we all know Sanjaya should have gone a long time ago. Hopefully soon the buzz will die down and so will Sanjaya's laughable popularity. I guess he makes for good TV. But still. America. I beg of you. Stop voting for Sanjaya. Because if Jordin or Mindy Doo or Blake or "Kiki" get kicked off in lieu of Sanjaya the Hairtastic, I'm calling you all up and convincing you individually that you're doing the world a disservice. And believe me, you don't want that.

Underdog?: the difference between Max and Sanjaya

I've already admitted that I watch (and now love) the Grease show. I can't help it -- I'm seriously addicted. But now I have an even bigger secret. I've become an American Idol-watcher.

Before this season, I had only seen a handful of episodes. The season Clay Aiken charmed those of us who love a good closet case, I watched the last couple weeks. I also watched the last couple weeks during the season with Bo Bice and Constantine. (Who won that year? Carrie Underwood?) Anyway, that's it. I just never got into it... I think because I always had class or rehearsals when it was on (and DIDN'T have the wonder of DVR like I do now). Also, I can't stand the audition episodes, so I usually never make it past them. Regardless, I've gotten hooked this season (thanks to the DVR gods above. Watch Idol without DVR at your own peril). I'm not going to bore you with a run-down of my opinions on each contestant, although opinions I do have. Instead, I'd just like to briefly opine on what it means to be an underdog and who the real underdogs are in the world of reality TV. (Well, okay, just the Grease show and American Idol. Ashamedly, I do watch hordes of other reality TV shows, but we won't get into those now. Except to say that Sisely is the underdog on the Pussycat Dolls show, not Chelsea or Mariela. Read further to find out why.)

We'll start with the Grease show, because it offers the epitome of an underdog story: Max. How much do you love Max?! Max is a true underdog, and here's why... he's super talented!! He came into the competition looking like some kid you vaguely remember from high school, and his nickname on the show is "Slacker Danny." Unlike Austin and Jason, Max hasn't been on (or off) Broadway. Unlike Chad or Derek, he doesn't have the classic Danny look. Unlike Kevin, he's not too shy to be on Broadway, and unlike Matt, he doesn't suck. He's cute in a best-friend-who-makes-you-laugh kind of way, and in my opinion, he's the best singer in the competition. He's been criticized by the judges for not looking like Danny, for being too twerpy, for having big ears, etc etc... but they greased his hair and had him lift weights, and now he really looks like he could lead a gang (and look pretty darn cute doing it). What makes him the underdog isn't that he's BAD, and it's not that he's UGLY. Cuz he's not! And it's also not that he had bell's palsy as a kid (although... wow). No, he's an underdog because he's GOOD. Good but unlikely. He faced seemingly insurmountable odds (come on, admit it, at the beginning you liked Max but never thought he'd make it to the finals), and he does well every week DESPITE those odds. He's a fighter, he has natural talent, and now he made it into the finals. Because who doesn't love an underdog story? (PS I usually vote for Max online every week. I'll admit that this week I actually also voted via phone. Sad, I know.)

So in light of Max's story, who's the underdog of American Idol? Or, let's start here... who ISN'T the underdog of American Idol? SANJAYA. Why? Because he's AWFUL. He's worse than bad. He's HIDEOUS. He can style his hair like Paula all he wants... it doesn't make him any better. Unlike Max, Sanjaya sucks. I'm not just being mean here people, he's BAD. Like Simon said this week, the shots of the girl sobbing all through his performance explains it all. America, you're the ones who should be crying right now. Because instead of eliminating Sanjaya (who should have been eliminated the very first week, nevermind making it into the top 10), you eliminated Stephanie. And Sanjaya wasn't even in the bottom two!! Really? Steph and Chris in the bottom two?! America, you've got to understand that he is NOT the underdog of this competition. He's the joke. Every week they tell him his smile's pretty... because there's nothing they can say about his singing, since it's so bad that it's beyond help. He's almost like William Hung (ok, not THAT bad, but still!), except this time he made it in, unlike Hung, who got famous from his audition. But I don't think anyone thought Hung was the underdog. He was the joke. And the same goes for Sanjaya. So please stop voting for him. It's not funny anymore. And if you're voting for him because you think he's the underdog, think again.

The real underdog of this competition, if you ask me, is Jordin Sparks. Here's why. I remember her from auditions, and I liked her back then. She made it to Hollywood, and she's been giving solid performances every week. She's a very talented singer, and I love listening to and watching her perform. But since they got to Hollywood, she's been living in the shadow of LaKisha and Melinda (who are also both very talented). But that's why Jordin's the underdog. No, she doesn't have LaKisha's "big black woman" sound/look, and she doesn't have Melinda's charming but slightly irritating humility. As far as I know, she also doesn't have a kid at home. The first couple weeks she kind of got lost in the shuffle with all the hullabaloo surrounding La to the K and Mindy-Doo. But as everything gets sifted out, and the posers get separated from the raw talent, Jordin's been getting noticed by the judges. This week, I think I remember one of the judges calling her the Kelly Clarkson of the competition. (I might have taken that as an offense a while ago, but I like KC these days, and she did WIN Idol after all.) What makes Jordin the underdog is exactly what makes Sanjaya anything but -- TALENT. She's damn good. And unlikely, because the odds are severely in favor of the other two women. Well, or Blake. He's really cool too. But definitely not an underdog.

So do you see the difference, America?! If you want to vote for an underdog, Jordin Sparks is the way to go. She's the Max of American Idol. And if you're just voting for Sanjaya because his hair is prettier than yours, or because you feel bad for him since he thinks he can hula but really can't do that either, remember what Simon always says... this is a SINGING competition.