You're the one that I want!

Anyone who has suffered through participation in any kind of show choir (or perhaps suffered through watching a show choir performance) is all too familiar with the hand jive, Grease Lightning and probably a poodle skirt or two. I'm not sure I realized how utterly annoying Grease can be until I watched "Grease!: You're the one that I want" on NBC tonight. But regardless of its high cheese factor and boppy '50s-style music, Grease holds a special place in my heart. (Maybe it was the Grease sleepover at Karli's in 7th grade, or maybe the Grease music videos we used to make... but I won't deny that I know every word and lyric to that movie.) That's why I've been wary of letting America decide who gets to star in the new revival of one of the most popular musicals on Broadway. We see what a stellar job America has done picking winners on American Idol... sigh.

I've gotta say though, my being wary of America tainting Broadway has suddenly taken a back seat to my beef with the format and style of this show itself. This is the first week I've watched NBC's latest reality-tv debacle, and I was quite taken aback. I suppose form must follow function, and Grease is the cheesiest of the cheese. ("Tell me about it... STUD!") But all I can say about NBC's show is... yikes.

I shouldn't rag on it too much... it's a great show to watch while you work out, and it's very entertaining. So in that respect -- well done, NBC. I also have to admit up front that I have a slight bias because one of the final 6 guys (Kevin) is from Tiff's high school in Greece, NY. (Yeah. Greece. Grease. Get it?) Because Tiff knows him, I feel like I know him, and I'm very excited that he's in the final 6. Way to go, upstate NY! Plus, he's a real cutie! And very talented. Okay, but all that aside, here are my issues with this show...

First of all, these people are being cast in a Broadway show. Why aren't we seeing any acting? I understand that's the philosophy behind having to hear them all sing random pop songs instead of the music from the show... supposedly they're showing us the different sides of their characters. I also understand that Olivia Newton-John was a pop singer and NOT an actress before she got cast in the movie. (Ahem... and after she got cast too.) But I'm really hoping that in order to make it to the finals they had to prove they can act, because otherwise Broadway's in trouble.

Secondly, the overly laudatory, cheery attitude of the judges is really getting to be too much. Having Olivia Newton-John as the guest judge this week was bad enough. (P.S. can anyone say plastic surgery? Holy crap. She looks like a barbie doll of herself.) But the judges are falling all over these contestants. I never thought I'd say this, but they need a Simon Cowell. The producer of Grease, who sits on the judging panel, is trying to be like Simon... but isn't even close. I mean, okay, most of these people are pretty good. But what is the point of doing this every week if they're all going to say "Great job! You're beautiful! Any of you could be the next Sandy!" And don't even get me started on the flirting that's going on between the male host and all the male contestants. Not that I have a problem with it. This is something else I never thought I'd ever say, but I actually prefer Ryan Seacrest's bisexual flirting. He flirts with the guys and the girls, no discrimination. It's actually nice and kind of refreshing to see these kind of homoerotic overtones on this kind of show... but damn. The girls are really pretty too! The playful flirting with only the guys is getting to be a bit much, man. Share the wealth!

Thirdly, speaking of the host... what is up with the nicknames he gives to each contestant? If that's supposed to be some kind of gimmick (I really don't see the point, but okay), it's pretty lame. I mean, "the sensitive Sandy!" "the spiritual Sandy!" "the ballerina Sandy!" ... Seriously?! And then there's always the host's affectionate slap-in-the-face remark to a contestant named Matt: "I was going to call you 'the man-tears Danny,'" (the contestant looks genuinely hurt... almost like he might cry. haha.) "but I thought that was probably inappropriate." Yeah, no kidding, Sherlock. I just don't understand why they're trying to add gimmicks like that. Seriously, the music of Grease is cheesy enough. Not that we're actually hearing much Grease music, since the contestants are singing pop songs. But still.

Anyway, all that aside, here's my biggest problem with this show at the moment...

WHY ON EARTH did they bring back those two contestants who lost and never made it past Grease camp?!?!?!

It's just embarrassing for them. They're both terrible, and the producer judge actually TOLD them they're terrible (thank the lord) -- which was extra embarrassing, since he and the other judges were practically licking all of the other contestants' faces.

Both of these "second chance" people are awkward on stage, and their songs were horrendous. They were singing wrong notes, they were flat, and sharp, and... yikes. I literally hid my face in my hands while they were singing. I couldn't bear to watch. What is the producer thinking?!

I'm the first to admit that I love an underdog story. But the real underdog of this competition is Max... the guy with the big ears who "doesn't look like a Danny Zucko" and is affectionately nicknamed "the slacker Danny." That guy's outstanding, he doesn't try too hard, and he's definitely the underdog of this competition, since he doesn't have the usual "look."

Don't bring back two people who clearly shouldn't be on Broadway, just because you think "America might vote for them." This producer guy has been refreshingly blunt about how he's just trying to make more money on his show (unlike Simon Cowell, who IS just trying to make more money but pretends that's not his motivation)... so why the hell did he bring back two trainwrecks?! I don't understand it.

Anyway, if you want to see some attractive people who look vaguely like John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John (pre-plastic surgery) -- including a hottie from Rochester -- singing their little hearts out on the cheesiest show in the world, tune in to "Grease!: You're the one that I want." But don't call and order advance tickets just yet.

Social experiment gone bad

Okay, I'd just like to say... I was on board.

The last two seasons, I was the big, overly vocal champion for "Beauty and the Geek."

I overlooked that it was Ashton Kutcher's show. The guy's not so bad. I overlooked the name of the show. I mean, after all, they SAID it's a social experiment. They only used those words in the title because although the contestants might come in holding those stereotypes, the point is to figure out that they're just stereotypes. (Classic announcer voice: "Can they become more than just the beauty and the geek??") I even overlooked the fact that they give the guys makeovers during the season. First of all, I've gotta admit that I love seeing makeovers. But more importantly, they had to give the guys some confidence, right? (Eh, okay, I'm still a little shaky with that one.)

But the point is... I was on board.

Then this season reared its ugly head. No pun intended. When I watch this season, I have knots in my stomach and trouble breathing. And no, it's not because I think the guys are hot, although a few of them are actually lookers. No. It's because I'm literally having anxiety attacks FOR the brunette girls in the group.

You might be saying... "What? What did she say?? Brunette girls??!! What does she mean by that?"

I mean brunette girls. Because this season, the blondes (ahem, bottle blondes, if I do say so myself, but I don't want to get as catty as everyone else...) have teamed up against THE BRUNETTE GIRLS. This is not a joke. And as of tonight, the brunettes have been effectively ELIMINATED from the competition. Yep. Voted out. I am having flashbacks to high school when all the "cool" kids (I'm throwing up in my mouth as I even say those words) used to treat me exactly how the blondes on this show are treating the brunettes. And now not only have the brunettes been relegated to the loser table in the cafeteria and faced with catty taunting... they've actually been eliminated.

The blonde girls have decided that the brunettes aren't as cool as they are. (This is not just pent-up high school hostility talking. Tonight one of the more vile of the blonde bunch said to Andrea, one of the brunettes, that Andrea shouldn't sit around playing chess like a nerd. Yeah. Even though Andrea's partner was TEACHING her chess, and the point of the show is to learn from your partner. But the blondes don't care about that... they literally sunbathe by the pool every day. And Vile Blonde Girl even said to Andrea "Sorry I'm cooler than you." Hello? Come on, people!!! What happened to the point of this show?! It's gone! You've completely MISSED it. Ahh!)

I'm very upset about this season. I started out pretty wary when I found out in the first episode that some of the (blonde) girls were Playboy models and WWF ring girls... what happened to using regular people?

But this is beyond bad. In the past two seasons, there were usually one or two contestants who clearly only cared about winning the money and getting the hell out and didn't give a damn about Ashton's "social experiment" or breaking stereotypes, etc. There was only one from each season that I remember. Clearly this season there are ZERO girls left who care about learning anything from the experience. It's very upsetting.

I guess I'm ranting now, but I do not need to watch high school on TV. I've had confrontations before exactly like Andrea and vile girl had tonight. It's not pleasant. And vile girls like that are just plain mean. They're terrible to the guys, and they're even meaner to the other girls. And I just can't stand it. This is not high school gym class. Get over it. Participate in the spirit of this show or get out. I just feel like the producers should DO something about this. They can't have another season of this show if this is how everyone's going to play. Not only is it defeating the purpose, but it's giving TV time and prize money to cruelty. I'm OVER it.

And on a final note, please don't be like this to other people. If you're someone who acts like these girls act, you make the rest of us feel pretty crappy. And please don't try out for a TV show that's supposed to be a social experiment where you're supposed to learn that there's more to everyone than you thought before. Cuz clearly you don't care. It's never okay to make someone feel like a piece of crap just because you think you're cooler or more attractive than they are.

Okay, I'm done. And I'm officially OFF board.

Chloe! I need it NOW!!!

In the first four hours of the sixth day of 24...

-The U.S. government frees Jack from a Chinese prison only to hand him over to terrorists to be killed.
-Jack bites a terrorist in the neck (blood dripping down chin included).
-The guy who plays Taj in the Van Wilder movies and Kumar in "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" holds up a neighboring family at gunpoint while bleeding to death in their living room.
-Assasinated president David Palmer's brother Wayne is now president, and his sister Sandra is a senator/lawyer. (What are they, the Kennedys? Not that I'm complaining -- Wayne makes a much better president than that slimeball Logan last season. And I like that when he gets angry he speaks in quiet, low tones. Very nice. But nobody's as great as David Palmer. Not even his brother.)
-The guy who played quirky, stuttering John Cage on Ally McBeal has his Texan claws into Palmer and underhandedly tries to convince him to lock everyone with Middle-Eastern-sounding names up in some kind of Gitmo-like "terrorist detention facility." (He's been partially successful, too. And I fear he's only just begun.)
-Apparently Karen Hayes works in the White House now, and somewhere between seasons 5 and 6 she and Buchanan got hitched. (Better match than Michelle, I must say. Much closer to his AGE. Ahem.)
-Chloe's ex-husband Morris is back and working at CTU. His sauciness is much appreciated, since they've toned the now-brunette Chloe down a bit (boo) -- and hey, why is Milo back - and in a managerial position? Talk about nine lives. I liked him better as a pot-smoking peon. (OK, they never SAID he smoked pot. But I mean, come on.)
-Jack actually works WITH a former terrorist to catch another terrorist. Yes, you heard me right.
-Jack shoots and kills his friend and fellow CTU agent Curtis to protect the former terrorist guy. (Not as shocking as the deaths of Edgar, Tony and Michelle last season, but still. Nobody's safe on this show!)
-Oh, and Jack quits his job. (Not that I'm actually sure he was ever getting a paycheck.)
-And at the end of the two-night season premiere filled with bomb after bomb, the ultimate nightmare happened -- a nuclear explosion in Los Angeles County.

Talk about a jam-packed four hours. (And there's plenty I left out!)

I thought I'd be remiss if I didn't mention 24 in this little blog, since I know that some of my friends who occassionally read this like when I talk about TV -- and also like 24. I'm going to have a hard time waiting until next week to see what happens! (I've never watched it on TV before, only on DVD.) I'm very concerned that Jack was in the radiation zone of that bomb. I saw on the preview that he calls Buchanan up and un-quits his job. But I heard that Kiefer told Larry King in a recent interview that the show is well-equipped to go on without Jack Bauer. (Please! No!! Say it's not so!!!)

So what say you, 24 viewers? Will they kill off Jack at the end of this season? And I don't mean "kill" him, like at the end of most of the other seasons. I mean KILL him. Or will they be smart and either not have had him in the radiation zone or give him a miraculous recovery?

By the way, I agree with Entertainment Weekly that I am not looking forward to having to see the aftermath of the explosion. I've seen enough propaganda videos from WW2 and the Red Scare to know that I have no interest in seeing people's skin melting off of them and whatnot... here's hoping they keep it clean. Although they did have Jack very graphically bite someone to death just a few hours earlier.

And hey, you have to give it to 24 for going there. On basically every show that involves a nuclear attack, the attackers are stopped in the nick of time. 24 has never been afraid to have bombs go off (even in CTU), to have deadly gas permeate buildings, and to show bioterrorist threats fully executed, even at the peril of CTU's own staff. I guess that's part of the draw of the show. But I'm having trouble thinking of any show on TV at all that actually has had a nuclear attack happen.

By the way, if you're wondering whether or not I'm becoming more paranoid by the day, the answer's yes. But, as Charles Schultz says, "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." I'm just hoping against hope that there's someone like Jack Bauer out there, biting people's necks and deactivating bombs and kicking ticking people through subway doors right as they push the trigger.

Exactly what I suggested. Well done.

Well, all I have to say is next week on The Office, they're merging the Scranton and Stamford branches, which means Pam and Jim will be back in the same office! (Pay no attention to the slutty sales rep behind the curtain.) And Variety reported today that NBC has officially signed Studio 60 for a full year. Clearly the writers, producers and executives of these two brilliant shows have been reading my blog and checking my away messages, which obviously helped them make these decisions, since they're doing exactly what I suggested.
(wink, wink. nudge, nudge. Hehe. Wouldn't it be nice if that's how it worked?!)

Quality TV wins again!!

(Oh, and on a side note -- the house and the senate and... wait for it... Rummy's gone! Which I know has nothing to do with quality TV, but I have to say I'm thrilled.)

TV rundown: Confessions of an obsessed fan

I'm getting pretty excited for November sweeps (insert teasing here about how TV is my life). I was really bummed last week that TV was full of reruns, and not having Studio 60 this Monday started this week off with disappointment as well. (Not to mention outrage at the Fox News article about Studio 60's possible demise... see last blog entry.) I proceeded to be disappointed Tuesday when I tuned in to Gilmore Girls only to see Rory re-opening that rocket from Logan. Reruns! Curses! But the rest of my shows came through. I decided to write a little something about a few of my favorite TV moments from this week.

Very briefly, I'd like to say that I can't believe I haven't been watching Veronica Mars all this time. I just started watching it this season, and I love it! It's cute and very clever. But where has Piz been lately? Hopefully they're saving him for sweeps week.

I'm so glad Fox is back to its regular programming. That means House is back! This week's episode was as good as ever. And House is as bitter as ever! Gotta love it. I can't believe he got arrested. Actually, what I can't believe is that we hadn't ever seen him arrested before. How great was it when Cuddy checked the pregnancy test at the end? Every week I laugh so hard when House cracks jokes about such-and-such not being "good for baby" - but I think everyone secretly wondered if she really was pregnant. That was a great moment. Speaking of Fox programming, I know I'm probably the only person in the world who watches it, but I'm glad Standoff is back too. This week's episode was surprisingly touching. (And a little gross, with that blood spilling all over the floor.) I just hope it doesn't get cancelled.

Again on Fox, Wednesday night's Bones did not disappoint. I liked the storyline this week - pagent stage moms always make for an exciting murder mystery. I didn't expect the killer to be one of the girls. Tap shoes, eh?... I always thought they'd make for a pretty good weapon. In this hopeless romantic's opinion, the best parts of this week's episode were the date Angela and Hodges went on and the scene between Booth and Bones at the end. I'm relieved that whatever's going on between Booth and Cam is over. But I'll admit it - the Booth/Bones relationship is the reason I watch. So let's move on.

I'm getting a little tired of The Nine. It's one of those shows I DVR or watch every week, but then once the next week comes I can't remember what happened. I really liked the premise when the show started, but I've been losing interest. I think they're dragging it out a little too much. I love the girl from 24, and I think all the acting is great. I'm still curious about what happened in those missing 52 hours, so I guess that's a good sign, but every week the show ends leaving me dissatisfied with what they revealed - or, more importantly, didn't reveal. Hopefully November sweeps will provide some impetus for revelation - or at least a little excitement.

Anyway, let's move on to the best night of TV - Thursday! I still haven't started watching Ugly Betty, but I DVRed it this week. Everyone keeps telling me to watch it. So my opinion on that is forthcoming.

The Office! Oh how I love thee. This week's episode was jam-packed with stuff to process. The episode was written by the girl who plays Kelly. Which makes Michael's impression of Kelly that much more hilarious. (Is there anyone who doesn't sit there thinking, "AHH! Kelly, SHUT UP." That character just grates on your nerves. So Michael's impression had me in hysterics.) I have a love/hate relationship with Michael Scott. (I had a dream about him the other night... I think maybe that's a sign you're watching too much of The Office.) We all knew a Dwali celebration would be perfect fodder for Michael's insensitivity, and he didn't disappoint. And yet when that episode ended, I felt so bad for him. Proposing to Carol in front of all those people was classic Michael Scott behavior... as was being surprised when she said no. And - ew - then he tried to kiss Pam!! But admit it, that wasn't unexpected. (Neither was Pam's deadpan response.) I'll just never cease to be amazed by these writers and how well they know the characters. I'm sick of reading reviews where people say they're warming up to that other girl Jim's working with (I refuse to even remember her name). Is there anyone else out there who wants Jim and Pam to be reunited?! Come on, people. I almost died when Pam texted Jim this week. (And very nearly had a heart attack when he was passed out on his desk and didn't answer.) Is it just me, or did you carefully inspect the TV for the rest of the half hour to see if Jim was anywhere near his phone -- and wait impatiently, hoping he'd text her back at the end? Also, I thought it might just be my insanity - I freely admit I'm obsessed with Pam and Jim - that made me wonder whether these two are always sending texts back and forth, until I read EW online and the writer also mentioned wondering that. (Yes! I'm not the only obsessed one!) I heard that next week the Scranton branch is closing, which I knew was going to happen because that's what happened on the British version. This leaves me with great hope that Pam and Jim will be reunited once again during sweeps. Even if you're not a fan, cross your fingers - if only to maintain the sanity of your friend Lisa.

Last but not least, Grey's Anatomy. How great was the Bailey/Cristina/Burke storyline this week? Maybe it's because for so long Bailey was portrayed as such a hard-ass, but there's something about seeing her insecurities that's very satisfying to me -- and manages to conjure up huge amounts of sympathy, too. Actually, maybe that's it... Cristina and Burke are portrayed the same way as Bailey. So I guess it's the parallels between the three of them - there's just something about seeing each of their raw motives and blatent insecurity. And I don't think the storyline is over, either... because by the looks Burke and Bailey both gave Cristina at the end of the episode, there's definitely more to come. (It's not just me, right? Bailey definitely figured out Cristina's the one who erased her name.) I feel so bad for George - and I thought the "are you the chicken or the pig? the ham or the eggs?" line was totally cute. When he called Callie a pig - that was classic George. Speaking of classic George, how great was the scene in the elevator when George said he'd be Meredith's Cristina if she'd be his Izzie? And who wasn't cheering for Izzie when she figured out the girl with the burn on her hand did it on purpose? Sorry Meredith, but your smugness is not McCharming. Speaking of, I think the best line of the episode was when Izzie said, "McDreamy's McSister is McBitchy!" I love that the McDreamy nickname has spiralled into a whole "thing"... McSteamy, McVet, etc. It's cute, and for some reason it never gets old. Seriously.

Okay, I guess that's it for my TV rundown. Of course those weren't the only shows I watched, but those are the noteworthy ones of the week. If you even bothered to read any of this, you may now go back to your regularly scheduled programming. (It's Saturday afternoon, so there's not much on TV... except lots o' pop culture goodness on VH1... otherwise I suggest going outside. At least till Sunday night rolls around. Then Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters will be set to record on my DVR...)

Requiem

I just wanted to offer a requiem for Studio 60 as it goes the way of most of the rest of Aaron Sorkin's work. I'm sick of listening to people bitch about how it's too autobiographical and muttering about Sorkin's self-importance and megalomania. (Hello people, he's a writer/producer. And a good one, at that. What do you expect?) Granted, I'm slightly biased - I happen to be one of the biggest Sports Night fans you'll ever find. (For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Sports Night is a brilliant 30-minute comedy Sorkin wrote in the late '90s that only survived two seasons. Dear smart people: get it from Netflix. You'll thank me.) But regardless, I love Sorkin's quick, witty dialogue - and I think he's a fricking genius.

I've read all the articles; I hear the complaints. "Why should we CARE about yuppie television writers on a Saturday Night Live- type show? It's a bad premise." I disagree. Why should we CARE about people who work in an office in Scranton, PA? Why should we CARE about fictitious people stranded on a fictitious desert island? Why should we CARE about doctors in love in a hospital? I mean, really? Is that the argument we're going to use? Why should we CARE about a group of friends who live in apartments? Why should we CARE about bizarre friends who live in New York City and talk about nothing? It doesn't matter why. Good shows are good shows, yuppies or not.

I'll concede that last week's episode was a little in-your-face with its point. (We GET it. The Hollywood Ten. We know. The history of the network. Great. Afghanistan. Okay. Moving on.) But as far as writing, pacing, and story arc, you can't deny it was a lovely work of craftsmanship. Plus, come on - these kinds of topics are smart. (Although, as I'll get to in the next paragraph, that's clearly the problem.) And if you're watching this show and not chuckling at or at least appreciating the dialogue, you're not paying close enough attention. Or you don't get the references. (In which case, your friendship with me is on the rocks.)

And here we are at the problem.

The rumors and articles say NBC is planning to replace Studio 60, as well as most of its shows in the 8-9 timeslot, with game shows and reality TV. Shoot me now. Seriously. We're canning smart, funny dialogue and complex characters for mindless game shows and people eating bugs?? Really?! I don't understand why people watch "Deal or No Deal," except possibly to witness Howie Mandel's obsessive-compulsive behavior first-hand. Besides that, it's a game that doesn't even require any skill! (At least on American Idol they have to sing something and on Millionaire they have to answer questions.) I've never understood it, and it's breaking my heart that those kinds of shows are getting the ratings at the expense of quality TV.

Speaking of quality TV - as I learned in Bob Thompson's quality TV class, the highest quality shows always take a long time to gain a fan base. "Long time," as in, years. Some of the best shows in television's history never would have made it past a season if the producers and network executives were trigger-happy and hadn't given them a chance despite dwindling ratings. (Steven Bochco, where are you?! Please go talk to someone at NBC.) But today quality doesn't matter. Game shows and bug eaters (much to my chagrin and utter disgust) are getting the ratings -- and thus are getting the highest ad revenue. Which is what it ultimately comes down to.

All I know is, the people participating in the Nielsen ratings are a bunch of idiots. And extremely infuriating.

The fact that Studio 60 (a show about bringing a network back from the depths of crappiness) is getting cancelled just says it all. Especially with SNL in its abysmal state. (I'm not getting the humor on there at all anymore. Seriously, I haven't laughed once. Oh Will Ferrell, where art thou?) Maybe Aaron Sorkin should take over NBC instead of writing a TV show about it.

In an episode a few weeks ago, Jordan (the producer on Studio 60, played by Amanda Peet) chose to buy quality programming over a crappy reality tv show. Sorry, Sorkin - wishful thinking.

NO DEAL. Ugh.

Brief thoughts

1) Pat Buchanan is hateful and ignorant.
2) Katie Couric should reconsider her line of work, and CBS should reconsider its choice of Evening News anchor. (Unless the network is trying to end the legacy of evening news altogether, which I think is a pretty good idea since I don't know anyone in my generation who actually watches it.)
3) 7th Heaven, which really shouldn't be back on the air at all, is going to drive the new CW into the ground.
4) I'm in love with Jon Stewart and the guy who plays "Jim" on The Office.

The end of an era

I can't help but wax nostalgic tonight as the WB signs off forever. Sure, I know, it's a pathetic network for lovesick teen girls. And yes, I know, most of the programming now lives on the new CW, the WB/UPN conglomerate merger offspring. It's not like all the shows are gone forever. But tonight as the WB aired old pilot episodes of Dawson's Creek, Buffy, Angel and... yes, as you know, my favorite... Felicity in a final-night attempt to pay tribute, I wonder what will happen to the WB part of me I hold so dear.

Somehow this helped the WB's final farewell feel like my final foray into adulthood. Those of us who WERE pathetic tv-addicted teenage girls watching the WB saw Felicity, Joey and Buffy as our peers. They were each a more glamorous, stronger, wiser, incredibly more eloquent version of ourselves. They weren't our role models. They were more like rose-colored mirrors. But the WB's signoff means Buffy, Joey and Felicity are going forever into the annals of TV history with Donna Martin, Jessie Spano and Natalie from the Facts of Life. What makes the WB girls different is their shows aren't just gone -- their entire network is too.

I don't know why this makes me so sad. Believe me, it's not the little frog with the top hat that I'll miss. He was actually kind of obnoxious. And hey, I used to make fun of the WB with the best of 'em. It's not even like I have a huge attachment to shows that are being transferred to CW (except Gilmore Girls and Top Model).

I guess it just feels like the end of an era. Do teen girls these days even have peers on TV like Felicity, Buffy and Joey? Where in the world of television are the lovesick teen girls who are maneuvering through the complications of college, seriously maiming a crapload of vampires or dealing with heavy issues like AIDS and... prom dates... from a front porch in Capeside? (Okay, maybe that last one doesn't sound so meritorious, but you get what I mean.) Today's teens are watching, what, Laguna Beach? The O.C.?

There was something about the girls on the WB that made you feel like you didn't have to take off your clothes or lose all your brains to be a successful, much-adored, well-adjusted teenage girl.

And again, there's something about the WB girls that's part of me now. It sounds really pathetic, I know, I know. But it feels like now that my girls are gone forever, my girlhood is too. And to that, most people would say, "Helloooooo Lisa. Welcome to reality." Well hello reality. The WB is gone. Let's just hope that the spirits of Felicity, Joey and Buffy - yes, as whiny as they were and as much as some of you hated them - don't die forever along with the network that reared them. Cuz I'll tell ya one thing - some of those teenage girls today could stand to take a few lessons from the WB girls I knew and loved.